How to Not Get Hired

by Frank Roche on May 11, 2011

in Careers

If you’re looking for a job, here’s how to not get hired:

  1. Cut your fingernails on the train. Yeah, you’re disgusting and clueless. You won’t get hired.
  2. Drive your dark car without headlights while it’s still dark in the morning. You’re gonna kill someone. You won’t get hired.
  3. Write a crappy cover letter. It’s your story that’s essential. You won’t get hired.
  4. Think you’re too good to do any job. You’re a prima donna. You won’t get hired.
  5. Know nothing about the company you’re interviewing at. You only care about you. You won’t get hired.

The fingernails thing makes me sick. I swear, I was on the R5 this morning and a guy must have had 20 fingers. Clip. Clip. Clip.

If you make me throw up in my mouth you won’t get hired.

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