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10 Human Resources Species on the Verge of Extinction: A Field Guide

10 Human Resources Species on the Verge of Extinction: A Field Guide

by Frank Roche on August 17, 2009

in Humor, KnowHR

After years of research and observation at KnowHR, we can finally offer the definitive field guide to identify the 10 most recognized human resources species that are on the verge of extinction.

1. Hall Monitor (Personellium analretentivii)

Identifying feature: Sneer
Audio: Tsk, hiss, guttural grunt
Most often seen with: Policy manual
Reason for extinction: This isn’t 8th grade anymore
notepad[Photo credit: Library of Congress]

2. Watch Keeper (Tempus guardii)

Identifying feature: Glare
Audio: Tick-tock
Most often seen with: Prominent wristwatch; personnel records
Reason for extinction: It’s time to grow up

timekeepers[Photo credit: State Library of New South Wales]

3. Axe Man (Employmentatum terminatus)

Identifying feature: Faraway stare, total impassivity
Audio: Vigorous throat clearing before dropping the bomb
Most often seen with: Pink slips; Beelzebub
Reason for extinction: Failed economies don’t last forever
axemen2[Photo credit: OSU Archives]

4. Umpire (Interferous maximus)

Identifying feature: Supercilious smile
Audio: Let’s hear both sides
Most often seen with: Other umpires talking about umpiring (aka gossiping)
Reason for extinction: Adults work things out themselves
girlsbaseball[Photo credit: State Library and Archives of Florida]

5. School Marm (Icantellu whattodoiatus)

Identifying feature: Scowl, look of disapproval
Audio: Do I have to talk to your manager?
Most often seen with: A wicked sense of self worth
Reason for extinction: “Marms” on the decline since the 1930s

schoolteacher[Photo credit: New York Public Library]

6. Picnic Planner (Yogibearus finebasketii)

Identifying feature: Raised brow
Audio: Hopeless sigh
Most often seen with: Executives who secretly ask this species to pick up the dry cleaning
Reason for extinction: That pesky 19th Amendment

picnic[Photo source: Powerhouse Museum]

7. Fashion Police (Gustibus disputandum)

Identifying feature: Permanent look of disdain
Audio: Haurmph
Most often seen with: A clothing item two decades out of date
Reason for extinction: On the wane since the Victorian Era
fashionpolice[Photo credit: Library of Congress]

8. Performance Assessor (Judgmentum malafides)

Identifying feature: Knowing head nod
Audio: This will go on your permanent record.
Most often seen with: Well-worn copy of Psych 101
Reason for extinction: Annual reviews have been dying for decades
trainedseal[Photo credit: National Media Museum]

9. Strike Breaker (Organizatio punitum)

Identifying feature: Thick neck, thick mustache
Audio: Get back to work.
Most often seen with: Gangs of organizatio puniti
Reason for extinction: None in visible existence.
wrestler[Photo credit: Library of Congress]

10. Puppet Master (Yankus chainimi)

Identifying feature: Mouth never moves
Audio: Caution here — puppet masters talk through others. Can’t be heard.
Most often seen with: Puppets
Reason for extinction: The truth wins.
puppetmaster[Photo credit: Australian War Memorial]

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