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More Fun Canned Responses for Self Evaluations

More Fun Canned Responses for Self Evaluations

by Frank Roche on June 30, 2009

in Humor, Performance

We have over 500 responses to our 1,001 Canned Responses for Self Evaluations. As recently as yesterday we got these self evaluation contributions from two very clever writers. (If you have a self evaluation or two you’d like to contribute, please leave a comment. You’ll get attribution — and when this book is a best seller at SHRM, you’ll be able to revel in the delicious irony.)

From Ben Eubanks at UpstartHR

  • I’m great at research. After two weeks of switching out the regular coffee for decaf, I have caused two stapler beatings, one incident of “parking lot rage,” and seven terminations for sleeping on the job.
  • The best thing about working here is the cushy toilet paper.
  • Since my manager treats me like a child the rest of the workday, I’d like him to start cutting up my lunches for me and putting band-aids on my paper cuts.
  • I’ve been creating spreadsheets full of meaningless numbers and sending them to my boss for months. And I got a pay increase last week.
  • I’ve turned “calling in sick” into an art form.

From Lex Fortis

I developed and led the company’s efforts to create catch-phrases for all employees. My efforts include:

  • VP of HR: “Time for some human capital punishment.”
  • CFO: “Still writin that cook book!”
  • General counsel: “Gimme some that Mutatis mutandis.”
  • Board Chair: “Now *that’s* shareholder value.”
  • CIO: “Re-booting ain’t the only thing I tried.”
  • CEO: “I ain’t in the for the hugs.”

{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }


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