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10 Ways to Know It’s Time to Dump Your Consultant

10 Ways to Know It’s Time to Dump Your Consultant

by Frank Roche on October 4, 2007

in Top 10

Here are 10 ways to know it’s time to dump your consultant.

  1. If he says “synergize” more than three times in 5 minutes.
  2. If he’s talking about your business plan on his cellphone earpiece while boarding an airplane.
  3. If he’s so full of himself that he takes his jacket off and tries to hand it to the pilot to hang up. (Sorry, sir, I don’t do coats, I just fly this thing.)
  4. If he uses the phrase, “Fleshing out the business case is the critical path.”
  5. If he says, “Ping him. We need to meet his expectations.”
  6. If he says, “We need to debrief this puppy.”
  7. If he talks about “the ultimate win-win solution.”
  8. If he wants to “run it up the flagpole.”
  9. If he keeps talking on his cellphone about your specific company and plans after they’ve closed the airplane door so that the flight attendant has to get up twice to ask him to turn it off.
  10. If he’s sitting right behind me on Delta 973 last evening from Atlanta to Philadelphia and I could write all this down in Twitter. (Anyone want to know about GM’s VEBA and how it’s about to be implemented at a certain Philadelphia company?)

Yep, consultantspeak costs hundreds of dollars per hour. And millions of dollars in consulting fees are burned on these kinds of ridiculous speech and thinking processes. (Not to mention the fact that the guy was revealing confidential information at “yellphone” volume.)

Note to people who hire consultants in HR: If you interview a consultant and he or she uses words like those in the list, run away. Run away fast. See Spot run. Run, Spot, run.

Side note: Some good came out of listening to ConsultantGuy behind me. A book idea popped in my head. JT understands what I mean when I write this one word: Solid. More on that soon.

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